Two Pigs!

Muddy pig

I know who you are.Pig!

Hygiene is the last thing I will envy a pig for. I know where they play.In the sty.

I have shaken hands,um hooves with pigs once,and you can guess how I came out of it. Stinking.

You see,by nature pigs may appear friendly,but the are dirty,even when they play,they will only roll you in the mud,and their hooves are spiky,whatever intentions they will only tuck you harder in more muck,full of their waste.

I am done with these two. I have since realized  their minds and intentions  stink too. But I have walked away before,and spent alot of time cleaning up.Despite the  short encounter.

You may call on on  me now. Sing all you like. What comes out is a grunt. I wont play. You smell the same. Dirty.

You can justify how good you can be.You make pork and bacon.Yeah.

When you are dead.

So this is what I give you,the finger. It signifies bye.I learn fast.
You are who you are. Pigs.

Go write another letter to the Board.Pig!

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Girls’ hostel

Writing can sometimes be hard. You will sometimes wrestle with a blank page for hours,some times days. Words sometimes just fail to form.

Every writer is entitled to some block,it’s a perfectly understandable excuse,like calling in sick at that time of the month. Only ours hits without warning.

Oh,wait,even the other.

I can confess, a few headlines have  been inspired by the girls down stairs,but without accreditation.

You see,one of my areas of work  borders a girls’ hostel.There could be as many boys,but who notices?

So when the proverbial blank mind settles in ,you wander over to the balcony and laze about,eyes wandering, till they hit something. The girls must be taking fun too from the line of mostly male-occupied offices, because they have made it a habit to check their assets out by the balcony,with full confidence that a good pair  of male eyes will be watching. They turn this way,then that way,then stretch the dress over the backside and throw in a mischievous wink to the often dumbstruck males-trying to get their mojo back.

A few hours of this therapy have created front page news articles ,with kick-ass analysis. I can’t give the same assurance though is the analysis could not have been telling.

So every so often when you read about tight,it could be the economy,monetary policy or lycra.

Tight policy?

There are dry days too.During the holidays. To some,it comes with relief;no interruption,while others will curse its very existence,with a proposal to match to the Principle.

Such episodes have also been great conversation starters,and a few male clients may have been signed that way.I mean, the office has a great view.

But whether this location of work-space is good or bad for productivity.The jury is still out.

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007,breeze and froth

007,breeze and froth.

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007,breeze and froth

The boat bobbed gently in the evening breeze, like it was getting in step to the music. It  may have been hard to differentiate between a missed step due to the waves or the beer effect. The team had started a keen analysis of the brand yet to be launched, right after lunch,with bright eyes-slowly turning scarlet as the actual taste test got under way.

You can tell a great beer from the after-taste and the packaging-much better if you can carry it away- I mean the bottle not the after-taste-without having a burly bouncer block your progress with a heaving tree-like chest. That is why this boat ride gets maximum scores for their choice of bouncers,they were more gentle,easy on the eye,female and only blocked your progress with nice green six packs-with a sweet smile thrown in.

New breed of bouncers.

Steve,the mr-fix-it for this ride was all over,not the girls, but everyone, to answer any questions and make any arrangements for,well,arranged interviews. A few must have been turned down,if they were directed at the girls,till Juliana came over and the time was right.

By this time the boat has set off and everyone had chosen a nice corner,either due to the breeze or its nearness to the serving points.

The best crowd of scribes my as well be inebriated scribes,till you have to follow them up for a story the next day.But still,the fun follows right through into the main interview,which tends to be all businesslike-even on a boat. Given the environment,you  may have more questions about James Bond’s moves,like kicks per second on a good day- than expected queries about branding and performance or market strategy.

So you understand if I only get you a peek of what I remember. Juliana, Heineken Country Manager performed wonderfully. Aforementioned event on a boat was the launch of Heineken operations in Uganda-with a fully fledged Country office. You now know why Champion League parties are slated to get even better.

Uganda arguably has the youngest population in the world. So when those peeps grow up,they will want to drink-legally. That may explain Henieken’s official entry into a bar near you. They bring you quality in caps.

In other news,James Bond,the man himself made a sneaky entry.Don’t ask me how you sneak into a moving boat.He’s Bond after all. Now,you must know that Bond will be in your neighborhood before anywhere else on the 25th October 2012,to be precise as darkness falls. Be there.

Sneaky entry.

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Sexy as preggers

Bringer of life.

Sometimes I just want to speak  my mind, without regard to decorum.And my mind is extreme,if you get what I mean. It’s been accused as being in the gutter often. I don’t know whether to deny or accept the charge.This is one of those moments.

This is the point where I ask you to  please stop reading if you are the type who is easily irritable or a puritan  and your mother ordered you never to ever engage in  vulgar debate,because this may meet her mark. Thanks for visiting,and have a great day.Please go home.

Now that you have come this far,it is time to launch into my deepest of mind thoughts. Can you ever imagine anything sexier than a pregnant woman? Yes? What?                    Personally, I can’t. What with balloon  round features,curves stretched  to limit and there is always that straight line  across the globe…uum belly very- symmetrically drawn,God must have loved maths in school.

My favorite,the erect nipples,nay full boobs set out like rocket launchers which could pop any minute.When a woman gets preggers, around seven months there,that  is what marks perfect femininity. She seats often, legs apart,back arched at seventy five degrees back often hand supporting said back,it is picturesque -she is warm,remember erect nipples? insert here.And boy is she  warm.

If you are the type who sees a pregnant woman and immediately thinks how she got that way,you are a pervert. But who doesn’t! I guess we all are  pervs in a way,suddenly imagining the genesis of such sexiness and whether she came at at moment or she enjoyed the romp that night.Or may be it was day and it was on the couch. Can you imagine getting pregnant the day you don’t even cum!                  I don’t!

But it is the raw sex scent that is the winner,it comes when they speak,pregnant women.I swear I have smelt it.And my nose is good. When they  talk,you can smell sex.                       Never noticed? You need to pay attention in class. That is why they say women’s lips are  related to their roses,in shape and depth. I tell you you don’t need words to know a horny woman,just smell her lips.     Of course she needs to be the  one with fresh breath.

Women differ from men because they harbor and give life, and that moment needs celebration,it’s sexy redefined.Women  must celebrate that time,even flaunt it.                       Here is to every woman who ever gave life.We drink to you…oh boy were you sexy then!   I hope you know it.                                                                                                                          For a man that is when you know there are consequences to sex other than cumming, of course. I am told women know when they get pregnant,not weeks later,I hear that very moment,an itchy feel as if.

But what do I know?

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We are too good together to be together: Now you like my cousin too!

We are too good together to be together: Now you like my cousin too!.

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We are too good together to be together: Now you like my cousin too!

Sean had somewhat been arm- twisted into staying till the end of the party-not with her Dad insisting no one leaves his house without eating-and JP pitching camp at the drinks’ table ,as if to declare to all -no interruptions welcome.

He resignedly sat down in the cushioned seats,which seemed to have been arranged for more formal guests.He now  found himself seated between Carole on the left and Trudy on his right. Do not imagine even for a minute that he was enjoying his seating privilege. Carole had chosen to ignore him since he returned to the party and she threw him a not-so-friendly look every time he spoke to Trudy. But the formal part of the party was  on going and there was not that much to take interest in. So he stayed,visibly uncomfortable,in the ironically sad position between two lovely girls.

Carole must have planned the torture mechanism elaborately.She even complained about his  beer,something she had never ever seemed bothered about,even though she preferred wine which did not give off the same alcoholic  whiff. She had sent back his third beer  when the girl waiting came  to deliver it.

“Did you find the Lord,my dear? What just happened to the beer?” He sarcastically asked.

“It smells bad.” And then  looked away. Trudy on the other side  stifled  a laugh.

“Don’t be dramatic,it only smells after it’s been  drank. But I could relocate. Give you opportunity to keep your breath pure”. Just then her dad approached them.

“I called on you young people to go and dance. Let me see you go.” Sean looked her way as if to seek her opinion.She avoided his gaze. The old man did not leave,as if daring them to disobey. Trudy got up.And so did Sean. She stayed seated.Her dad left when the two left. Music played on. He found a lively group and joined the dancing circle. Trudy joined in at the other end. She dashed over to ask Carole to join in,only to be shooed away.

“I don’t want to dance”. She joined another group soon after that.

With more drinks over several hours,the party kicked to life. People now laughed more freely,if not more loudly. JP maintained his position at the serving area. Sean struck up a conversation with aloud guy who kept dashing to the floor every time his  song played. He  had many of his songs playing that night.Carole casually shoved her way through the increasing number of people huddled together either dancing or shouting above the music. She greeted many of her parents’ friends and a lot of her childhood friends present. Although she smiled, her mind was far away. That ex-has spoiled an otherwise well planned party.Now she was angry at Sean. The annoying thing is that he did not seem to care,smiling and laughing away with strangers he had just met. Now, even Trudy had joined his group. That made her angry. She seemed the only one not having a good time at her party. She watched him from the corner of her eye;he was swigging beer and laughing away.

A fast song played.His group rushed to the dance area together,Trudy among them. She on the other hand  didn’t have anywhere to go. She just moved around the place,aimlessly watching guests milling around.

A reggae song played. Dancers paired up. First up front,then front to back. Trudy’s massive derriere was dangerously close to his fly. In a few fast steps she was at them. She grabbed him by the hand. He seemed to protest. She dragged him on.

“So now you want my cousin too!” She wondered more than asked, when they stopped,besides the garage.

“You refused to dance”.

“Are you kidding me?”

“You were not speaking to me,remember?”

“It that your excuse. I thought you better…?”

“Now that you are,can we go dance?”. That seemed to enrage her the more.”She ruba-dubbed me.I was the innocent one here.”

You like her too?

She stomped off,cursing under her breath. He raced after her,but then decided against it when he approached a group of guests.

In the distance,she was leading Trudy away by the arm,a tad roughly.

It was time to leave.

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