I have always had two left feet. Blame it on my village upbringing. While the rest of you were dancing to Frankie and Thriller,I was dancing to Semuwemba and Music to remember on Radio Uganda every Sunday morning before church. Plus the greatest local country pop you ever heard. The rhyming and poetry there! Aah!
I forgive you if you don’t follow,you had to have lived in the village where I did.
The lady of the house; the Njuki residence,as her naughty friend affectionately calls her,can dance gracefully,effortlessly in fact,something that has still eluded me. I prefer to watch her dance than dance with her,which is unfortunate,if you ask me! One time she had to teach me the shuffle for weeks to fit into society.
Now,that is all okay,I’m used to the fact that I have a stiff back,if only my own daughter of three did not remind me of my handicap, by teaching me the moves. When I have rights to the TV,I watch movies and series,Boston Legal,Burn Notice, and more recently Mad Men. When it is madam’s time on TV it will be the wedding show,and damn are they too many on each TV ,I think they air like two each over the week end! Some soaps and America’s Next Top Model. The day Elsie claims the rights,she will place her little ass on her little pink chair and place the remote behind her back.
Woe unto you if you even cross the place between her and the TV for a second. She will be watching Dorah,Tom and Jerry or Tangled..and she demands that she be not disturbed by anything or anyone!
On the other days however that I have been banned from my seat in front of the TV,madam will be playing souk music.
It is during one such a time that Elsie found me shaking my balding head to the music,nose in my book. She entered gingerly and started dancing. I got up,took both her hands and started the dance routine,as with all children,left hand up,right hand down,without much coordination.
Only I was about to be surprised.Even without warning,girl had turned around on her ball of the foot,arm on top of her head and she left me there clueless,wondering what I was meant to do.Turn also?
She looked at me and it must have been pity or mirth I saw in her little eyes because she laughed at me and left me there still wondering what just happened.
I am seriously looking around for solutions to my problem,not my history, but for my future survival,because with more women increasing in my house they may soon conspire to organize regular dancing competitions where the loser misses lunch.
This is my survival instinct kicking in.